Too many days have passed since the last time we spoke.
Too many days have passed since the last time I blogged.
Too many days have passed since the last time I went to the dentist...
The following phrase enables me to remain motionless, drowning in the waters of self inflicting doom:
Too many days have passed...
In those days, I have poisoned my mind with my shortcomings, while dreaming about a cure for this poison. Like most hidden things, the truth is often hidden right before your eyes. The cure was also hidden right in front of my eyes, but when frozen in fear what is hidden is often unseen. The cure is simply letting go of expectations and acting upon my desires. Instead I chose to focus on time. In doing so, I became a prisoner to time, its slave.
When I focus on time, I lay motionlessly upon all of my shortcomings, but time does not stop. Seconds, minutes, hours, all pass. In this frozen state, I further separate myself from the things that hold merit in my life. My awareness of time moving and my shortcomings both heighten. Eventually a slight nervousness begins to brew in the pit of my belly. Yet another reminder of how wasteful I am being with the time I have been given. So I continue to poison myself, accustomed to its taste.
In an effort to detox, I will not think of the time that has passed since the last time we spoke and regret not having called sooner. Instead I will joyously call because I truly am grateful to have you in my life.
I will not think of how disappointed my dentist would be for so much time passing between visits. My arrival in the dentist office will speak my desires and I will feel more confident in my smile instead of feeling fearful to smile. Goodness, smiles are meant to be joyous, not fear inflicting.
I will not be so hard on myself for not blogging, I will not focus on how hard I had worked and dwell on where I could be with my blog had I continued to do so every day. Life brought me things that required my focus more and to be honest I was feeling overwhelmed and I was starting to feel sponsored which bothered me because I was starting to feel a little too corporate. I'm still writing in my journal and I'm working on a book. I post the occasional entry not because I feel I have to but because I want to write. Maybe I will end up getting blog crazy again someday down the road with a new skill set... who knows. If it is supposed to happen it will! This blog is no stranger to new concepts and exploration. The point is... I am releasing my expectations of what this blog is supposed to be... it isn't supposed to be anything. It just exists and to me it is beautiful. If you like it... beautiful. I'll bet we would get along beautifully.
I will not allow myself to build expectations of how an event should unfold, I will just allow it to unfold and love all of these precious moments.
If in some moments I have difficulty releasing my expectations, I will acknowledge this as soon as my awareness occurs and take the necessary steps require to let go, heal and act with compassionate measures.
One thing that I have learned is that some moments feel so uncomfortable, painful or poisonous; they are full of potential beauties and opportunity for growth. Compassion is amplified when you release your expectations, one moment at a time; each moment a new opportunity to seek the highest path, accepting all outcomes and the freedom to move through life with a heightened awareness. What may seem out of reach is much closer to us all then it seems. A poisoned mind is sluggish and toxic when it has been freshly injected. So in its sickened daze it often does not see the doorway/opportunity as a doorway/opportunity until it reflects on the sickness, which often happens in hindsight. Sometimes this can start a new cycle of self inflicted poisoning if an opportunity is perceived as missed.
No more days will pass.
Every moment is the time to heal.
The time to act is now.
